Another day in the life of a Hogwarts student
by masaiyama
Summary: Harry accidentally consumes a series of potions with peculiar side affects. His friends are left to deal with the consequences.
1. Ron's insecurities

**R/N: Harry accidentally drinks the wrong potion, and starts insulting Ron, making him feel insecure.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter books... though I wish I did ;) J.K. Rowling beat me to it... yet again.**

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"Would you hush flamboyant woman! Do not speak these honey-coated words, which trickle from your unsexy tongue this carelessly! I, King Harry, do not ponder unsexified behavior a talent, nor considered lifestyle in Scotland!"

"Bloody hell Hermione, I though you said he drank the wrong potion, not get hit on the head by that git, Macbeth." Ron said in disbelief, staring at the drunken Harry, who was hastily cleaning the terrified Fat Lady's portrait.

"He _did_ Ron! It was Malfoy, I tell you! He switched the labels of the potions on purpose. According to my knowledge, his side effects seem to fit perfectly to that of a rare potion called the _Mini-Shakespearean_ potion. The thing is… it was originally intended for Parrots, not humans…"

"He's acting like a real cow if you ask me. Vexing me really. He asked me if I wear this robe _in order to resemble the foul features of an aging pudgy female. _ I am not pudgy Hermione, this robe just creates the slight illusion that I am!" Ron said, feeling rather insecure and emotional.

"Yes, well I'm not sure that's the part you should be concerned about." Hermione said sarcastically, watching Ron straightening his robes, flashing her an agitated look.

"Ron!" Harry suddenly exclaimed, nearing Ron, till his face was inches away from his.

"Y…Yeah mate?" Ron said, fleetingly shifting backwards.

"We can't deny the sweet course of destined fate much longer! Who are we to lock saccharine chemistry away in our hearts, when she's desperate to be freed to suck on the teat of liberty!"

"Uh… L... listen Harry, you're clearly not in the right state of mind right now… I hope. I don't see us ever… how to put this… complimenting each other in a relatio…"

"Chan is the song to my soul, the melody to my life, the one to make my lips tremble, she is my eternal breath, without whom all that is left is regrettable death…"

"Whao! Hold up, you were referring to Chan? CHAN? You prefer CHAN above me? I thought we were mates Harry? What, am I not attractive enough for you?" Ron cried.

"Maybe it's because you're just not woman enough for him, Ron." Hermione said, chuckling. "OR, maybe, too woman."

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Please review this chapter :) This was my first... so be kind! Criticism is welcome though :)


	2. The Urge to Strip Potion

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story... All are genius creations by J.R.R. Tolkien, and J.K. Rowling. Note that I also obtained the ideas of sexual attraction to horses from the brilliant play called "Equus"- to add humour **(the star of harry potter played a part in this play, if you didn't know.)** Alright, enjoy!

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She sat, curled up in a bundle of silk robes, which lay scattered over the satin stained living room couches, pain striking her brittle heart repeatedly.

"Harry," She said, chocking on her own diving tears.

"W… why Harry! Dumbledore was a manipulating betrayer… why would you care about him, even after his death?"

Harry flickered her a look. His strikingly handsome green eyes hushed Hermione with a mere glance.

"Enough of this pointless discussion", Gandalf the Gray said, as he dismounted from his bewildered stallion, crusted in a hopeful white.

"You are not the only one who had been betrayed by Albus Dumbledore, Hermione," he said, pointing his heavy white staff at the center of Hermione's chest.

"…Nor you, Potter. There is no need to become unnecessarily depressed over this matter. Do you plan on putting a smile on the old geezer's corpse?"

Harry shook his head in disapproval of Gandalf's disrespectful words. A slight tear flickered down his flushed cheek.

"Dumbledore used us… he used Harry for his own personal fight of obtaining the so called 'greater good'! Greater good Merlin's ass! What good have we got here? A lifeless old Dumbledore, and a fuming old Gandalf?" Hermione demanded, more tears prickling at her swollen eyes.

"Well, may the old bastard burn then, at the flames of the crust of doom! He used us all. His blackened soul should be punished."

"Leave the man, Gandalf. You ought to be ashamed. Both of you," Harry spoke up, "Who cares what Dumbledore has done, who cares! I prefer to remember him for the person I believed him to be. Albus Dumbledore. A respectable man. Humble. Courageous. Ambitious. And a damned good wizard, if you asked anyone."

Hermione fell silent, while Gandalf considered these words.

"Alright then, Harry," Gandalf finally said, stroking his beard thoughtfully.

"Even though I don't completely agree with what you say, I must confess… I have no will to travel at such great lengths to the crust of doom..."

"What shall we do then?" Hermione piped up, wiping her nose.

The room was silent.

After a few minutes of awkward peace, Harry started taking off his clothes, revealing his naked body, and moved to stand next to Gandalf's white stallion.

"HARRY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Hermione exclaimed, covering her reddening face. Gandalf staggered backwards, gripping the couch for support. Both seemed to be horrorstruck by Harry's naked figure, stroking the stallion. Harry kept suspiciously quite, calmly bemused by the stallion's mane.

"Oh no…" Hermione shouted.

"W… what? What's happening to him?" Gandalf cried.

"It must have been Malfoy… again…"

"Again?"

"Yes, I'm afraid Malfoy has made a hobby out of embarrassing harry, by fooling him into drinking all sorts of potions with peculiar side affects."

"This… this can be caused by potions?!"

" Indeed. These particular symptoms may belong to one called the _Urge-to-Strip potion. _However, we should be rather cautious. It may soon result to the _Urge-to-star-in-a-play-where-they-require-you-to-take-off-your-clothes-and-show-sexual-attraction-to-horses _symptoms. Quite unfortunate."

"It is rather unfortunate… So, lets get out of here before this happens?" Gandalf said, moving towards the door.

"Right behind you, Gandalf."

And they left Harry to be one, with his stallion.

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Thank you for reading. :) Reviews would be appreciated.


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